this is a fact i've come to accept. i pick the worst days to think about my writing. to illustrate the "worst" of this day, i shall elaborate: chem lab 7 discussion, chem lab 7 postlab, chem lab 7 writeup, chem lab 8 prelab, all due tomorrow. physics midterm thursday, chapters 19-21, one of which i have successfully completed. glycolysis, gluconegenesis, citric acid cycle, fatty acid synthesis, radical reactions, resonance structures, carboxylic acid reactions, and more. can i get a fuck my life brain for choosing to write about this now?

but alas, i would pick writing over potential differences in a uniform electric field any day. so here goes:

this actually came up yesterday while talking with... well. one of my favorites (: but i think i feel a need to reiterate and make this thought "official", not just for the official-ness, but for a keepsake and something for me to refer back to in the future.

i don't think logically unless i start talking. my thoughts are always jumbled up until i'm forced to explain myself--that's when i make sense of everything in my head. the topic of interpretation came up, and i started wondering if i ever wanted people to read my writing a certain way, say... the "correct" way.

obviously, everyone reads differently. a stanza can be relatable for two different people, but still hold a world of difference. i don't know what other writers get out of interpretation, but i've realized that i never have a set list of things that i want people to realize when they read my writing. i've mentioned this before: writing is the closest thing we have to tangible emotions and thoughts. yet, it doesn't even come close to the essence of emotions. it doesn't matter to me how people relate their lives to a line of poetry i might have written. all that matters is it evokes the same feeling. this is something i think i've always know but have never truly and consciously stated out loud. i don't write for people to analyze, or to break down the piece line by line, and word by word. i don't write for people to wonder if i mean this or that, or something else. i write for people to feel. sometimes, it's simple. i want them to feel my anger and my frustration. i manipulate my words to drive that emotion home. sometimes, it's complicated. i want them to understand that we long for winter in the summer and dream about summer in the winter. i want them to understand that we are never happy with what we have and realizing that--that's growing up. i want them to see that everything is a process, just like a piece of progressing poetry. i want to mix so many feelings together that it's overwhelming, but at the same time, crystal clear that it is a true reflection of life.

so, no. the things i write might not really have a solid meaning. they might have words behind words if you choose to read it that way. and if you choose to analyze line by line, you will discover all the neat little things i've added that might not be obvious to the naked eye. but that's only because you choose to believe that there is something there. if you believe that the only reason i wrote this was because i wanted you to feel, you might get more out of it than any intellectual will with his magnifying glass. on the other side of the fence, everything i write is a piece of me in literary form. so cheers, and in the true meaning of the word, enjoy.