before you read this, know that i am not against any field related to biology. know that i am on the path to becoming a graduate student, and then a research scientist. therefore, my opinions are strong and biased. i have great admiration for doctors, but know that i am not, and will never be one.
now.
i am on a constant quest for continual intellectual stimulation. having to re-learn something drives me nuts. i am only excellent at learning material i have a strong interest in. and by strong interest, i mean when i am obsessed with the topic and end up with 20 wiki tabs on my web browser. i even go as far as reading abstracts on pubmed. that is how interested i need to be. i cannot find this type of intellectual stimulation from lower division courses. even most upper division courses aren't good enough, except for the select few.
as a biology major, i didn't get too much out of the first two years. basic biology is this incessant, reiterated drilling of information into the brain. i've memorized the structures of nucleotide bases that make up DNA. someone tell me when i am ever going to need to know that, unless i go into biochemistry? and even then, let me remind you, most people memorize not by hard drilling, but simply because they've seen it too many times that it is ingrained in their brains. and that is the natural order of things.
in the core biology courses, premeds are not distinguished from bio majors with other interests or learning needs. we're just all lumped into the general category of "biology majors", with the stereotype that we only know how to memorize. and sadly, that is true. those who don't pass the memorization test drop out after one or two years to become econ majors (no offense intended, it seems to be the majority). those who do pass are 70% premed. no surprise there.
looking back after four years, i'm not quite sure how i made it. i can only explain by saying that i have a strong self-discipline. this is not meant to sound egoistic--i really do. i can convince myself that this is what i need to do to get to the next step, and it's "not that bad, i'll be done in _______ weeks". i do this well. i do this without cynicism and get good results. i want to know, though, how other would-be phds do this.
i think i have an inherent need for new and interesting information. this is not what is presented in biology textbooks, the worst of them being human anatomy. oh, how many times i have memorized the structure of the heart, lungs, brain. oh, how useless such information is for non-premeds! for those of us concerned with happenings on a molecular and cell level, whole organ systems fail to interest. as fascinating as the human body is, it is getting old.
i remember coming into college as a freshman and signing up for general chemistry. a young and naive me sat in class the first day, thinking i would be learning some in-depth material (finally!) on general chemistry that high school had not taught me (took honors chem and ap chem in high school and did not learn anything different). little did i know, a whole year of college chemistry was just about the same as high school. it was the worst learning experience of my life. the only new thing i learned was cubic structures, and that took a whole one lecture. let it be known that i do poorly in classes dedicated to repeated material.
so i spent many months struggling with what to do with a biology degree. i was unwillingly premed at first too, thinking that professional schools are the only thing i could do with my life. as the time approached for taking mcats, the bleaker my future became (to me). i finally came to terms that i wanted more than the routine doctorly schedule. i didn't want to be the one handing out prescriptions, i wanted to be the one discovering them.
proof that i like being one step ahead of the world: taking a bunch of ap classes in high school, skipping intro college courses because of those good ap scores, taking physics my second year instead of my third, getting a bio phd... i joke on the last one. sort of.
i don't have the passion or determination to become a specialized md. therefore, i will end up in a common hospital doing doctor rounds. my life will be scheduled from morning to night, handing out common prescriptions, diagnosing common diseases, because think about it--how often do you meet a patient with a rare disease? they're rare for a reason. unless i specialize in something specific, i will feel very unfulfilled. but i can't. i'm not determined or focused enough to do that. i'm not good enough of a person to want to help people my whole life, and i really am sorry for that.
it's terrible, because in my mind, the complex world of an md has been simplified down to one paragraph of the above. i recognize the oversimplicity, but there is just so much more going for me in the research field than the medical field that i am willingly blinded by the possibilities. i can't settle for treating others. i want to come up with the cures.
so i'll settle with gene therapy. i'll be in the background and change lives indirectly. i can't bear having the potential burden of someone's life in my hands so palpably. so i'll dig out my roots and work my way up from there.
research is slow. it's excruciating at times, but the moments of discovery are the most exciting. i don't mind failure, because it reminds me to try harder. i don't like to think traditionally, because without change the world will crumble. research isn't as dull and lifeless as its stereotype makes it sound. there are always new things being discovered, no matter how small, and every discovery is mind-blowing on some atomic level. this is the kind of stimulation i need to keep going. it's not enough to read about discoveries in textbooks. people learn biology as facts, but nobody thinks about the years of work it took to compile that knowledge into a book. the textbooks tell us that DNA is double-stranded. people accept that, but never wonder just how they managed to come up with such a specific, obscure model. there is so little we know even in the 21st century...
i don't dream about the nobel prize. i don't want huge recognition for my work. as nice as it is to be received by society positively, i want more just to satisfy my curiosity. it's an itch that won't really go away. i'm trying different paths to see what happens. don't listen to me, because i don't know what's going to happen 10 years from now. maybe i'll be a grad school dropout--who knows? but i'd rather not follow the crowd and condemn myself to a fate i was never really interested in.
to all the would-be doctors out there, you are amazing.
with that said, i'll end here and go back to studying for physio lab final. i'm memorizing the heart for the 5th time, and that is really what started all this. now that i'm all written out and feel better, i will devote what little time i have left to my studies. good luck to the science majors of the world, WE ARE THE FUTURE.
just kidding. now go study.
now.
i am on a constant quest for continual intellectual stimulation. having to re-learn something drives me nuts. i am only excellent at learning material i have a strong interest in. and by strong interest, i mean when i am obsessed with the topic and end up with 20 wiki tabs on my web browser. i even go as far as reading abstracts on pubmed. that is how interested i need to be. i cannot find this type of intellectual stimulation from lower division courses. even most upper division courses aren't good enough, except for the select few.
as a biology major, i didn't get too much out of the first two years. basic biology is this incessant, reiterated drilling of information into the brain. i've memorized the structures of nucleotide bases that make up DNA. someone tell me when i am ever going to need to know that, unless i go into biochemistry? and even then, let me remind you, most people memorize not by hard drilling, but simply because they've seen it too many times that it is ingrained in their brains. and that is the natural order of things.
in the core biology courses, premeds are not distinguished from bio majors with other interests or learning needs. we're just all lumped into the general category of "biology majors", with the stereotype that we only know how to memorize. and sadly, that is true. those who don't pass the memorization test drop out after one or two years to become econ majors (no offense intended, it seems to be the majority). those who do pass are 70% premed. no surprise there.
looking back after four years, i'm not quite sure how i made it. i can only explain by saying that i have a strong self-discipline. this is not meant to sound egoistic--i really do. i can convince myself that this is what i need to do to get to the next step, and it's "not that bad, i'll be done in _______ weeks". i do this well. i do this without cynicism and get good results. i want to know, though, how other would-be phds do this.
i think i have an inherent need for new and interesting information. this is not what is presented in biology textbooks, the worst of them being human anatomy. oh, how many times i have memorized the structure of the heart, lungs, brain. oh, how useless such information is for non-premeds! for those of us concerned with happenings on a molecular and cell level, whole organ systems fail to interest. as fascinating as the human body is, it is getting old.
i remember coming into college as a freshman and signing up for general chemistry. a young and naive me sat in class the first day, thinking i would be learning some in-depth material (finally!) on general chemistry that high school had not taught me (took honors chem and ap chem in high school and did not learn anything different). little did i know, a whole year of college chemistry was just about the same as high school. it was the worst learning experience of my life. the only new thing i learned was cubic structures, and that took a whole one lecture. let it be known that i do poorly in classes dedicated to repeated material.
so i spent many months struggling with what to do with a biology degree. i was unwillingly premed at first too, thinking that professional schools are the only thing i could do with my life. as the time approached for taking mcats, the bleaker my future became (to me). i finally came to terms that i wanted more than the routine doctorly schedule. i didn't want to be the one handing out prescriptions, i wanted to be the one discovering them.
proof that i like being one step ahead of the world: taking a bunch of ap classes in high school, skipping intro college courses because of those good ap scores, taking physics my second year instead of my third, getting a bio phd... i joke on the last one. sort of.
i don't have the passion or determination to become a specialized md. therefore, i will end up in a common hospital doing doctor rounds. my life will be scheduled from morning to night, handing out common prescriptions, diagnosing common diseases, because think about it--how often do you meet a patient with a rare disease? they're rare for a reason. unless i specialize in something specific, i will feel very unfulfilled. but i can't. i'm not determined or focused enough to do that. i'm not good enough of a person to want to help people my whole life, and i really am sorry for that.
it's terrible, because in my mind, the complex world of an md has been simplified down to one paragraph of the above. i recognize the oversimplicity, but there is just so much more going for me in the research field than the medical field that i am willingly blinded by the possibilities. i can't settle for treating others. i want to come up with the cures.
so i'll settle with gene therapy. i'll be in the background and change lives indirectly. i can't bear having the potential burden of someone's life in my hands so palpably. so i'll dig out my roots and work my way up from there.
research is slow. it's excruciating at times, but the moments of discovery are the most exciting. i don't mind failure, because it reminds me to try harder. i don't like to think traditionally, because without change the world will crumble. research isn't as dull and lifeless as its stereotype makes it sound. there are always new things being discovered, no matter how small, and every discovery is mind-blowing on some atomic level. this is the kind of stimulation i need to keep going. it's not enough to read about discoveries in textbooks. people learn biology as facts, but nobody thinks about the years of work it took to compile that knowledge into a book. the textbooks tell us that DNA is double-stranded. people accept that, but never wonder just how they managed to come up with such a specific, obscure model. there is so little we know even in the 21st century...
i don't dream about the nobel prize. i don't want huge recognition for my work. as nice as it is to be received by society positively, i want more just to satisfy my curiosity. it's an itch that won't really go away. i'm trying different paths to see what happens. don't listen to me, because i don't know what's going to happen 10 years from now. maybe i'll be a grad school dropout--who knows? but i'd rather not follow the crowd and condemn myself to a fate i was never really interested in.
to all the would-be doctors out there, you are amazing.
with that said, i'll end here and go back to studying for physio lab final. i'm memorizing the heart for the 5th time, and that is really what started all this. now that i'm all written out and feel better, i will devote what little time i have left to my studies. good luck to the science majors of the world, WE ARE THE FUTURE.
just kidding. now go study.
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